Ivory Tower Rantings

I know I’m going to get flack for this, but let’s call it what it is: If Barack Obama were a White Man named “Barry Oberon,” this election would never have become this absurd.  America would be in heaven; we could lean back, amused, and watch the Palin situation unfold as Sarah Mae and Papa Johnny tour the country, all the while knowing that an intelligent, capable, former community activist, well-traveled, ivy-league- educated man is waiting in the wings to help fix our broken system. (Or so we hope.)

Instead, we’re watching in trepidation as “George and Gracie”–sans wit, of course–sit in column A, and in column B, we have Barack (pick-your-derogatory-identifier) Obama.

Come on, America.  It’s time we took a good look at ourselves.  Admit it.  We still have not come to terms with our history.  And how can we, when it’s an issue we never talk about?  Sure we talk about each other, but rarely to one another.

Yeah, I know, I know–White folks think Black Folks are always angry. (They are.)  Black folks think White folks are living in a fantasy.  (Also true.) Sheesh, it sounds like a couple that needs marriage counseling. But no time for therapy here, so here’s what both sides need to know in a nutshell before we elect that sideshow the Republicans call a ticket and really screw up:

1) White folks need not fear that they will be expelled from America with the election of Barack Obama.   A win does NOT mean that we’re off to a crazy ride on the “Soul Plane.” No, Black folks won’t stream enmasse into White suburbs, like the villagers in Frankenstein, to rob or kill–or worse, buy property.  The Constitution won’t be translated into Ebonics.  The White House will remain the White House.  I doubt the family will get all “pimped out” on Inauguration Day.  Russell Simmons won’t be the chief of staff, and portraits of Biggie and Tupac will not replace the portrait of Washington crossing the Delaware.  There is a strong possibility, however, that Beyonce or Rhianna will sing the National Anthem at some point.

2) It’s not Obama’s fault that his name is Obama. It’s not like when immigrants came to the America at the turn of the 20th century anymore. There’s no one in customs to change your name and muck up your birth date anymore, so Obama missed out on becoming Obanion or some other person.

3) Ever wonder why Black people might still be pissed at the slavery thing? Do you realize that slavery didn’t officially end until the repeal of the Jim Crow laws, and that was a scant 30 years ago in some places?  Heck, the depression was in the 1930s, and we don’t blame Grandpa for hoarding and being a miser.  Jewish folks keep reminding us that a crazy German almost finished them off in the 40s, and ditto for the Gypsies.  If we can empathize with Granny and Jews and Gypsies, is it so hard to understand that Black Americans resent that White Americans used to kill them for sport until the 1970s?  And that some of those murder cases have never been solved? And that those same folks have never officially said, “Wow.  What we did back then really blows, man. And I’m sorry dude, really. How can I make it up to you?”

(Okay, so it’s the “make it up to you” part that scares most people, but to get just the “I’m sorry,” has turned into quite the feat.  Last year, the New Jersey legislature spent several afternoons considering whether and why the state should apologize for being the last state in the North to free its slaves–and then only under duress right before the end of the Civil War.  Those grownups at the statehouse still don’t get that it is NOT cool to own people, so they killed the apology.  It would have cost the state nothing to say that it was wrong more than 100 years ago, and yet, they could not do it.  And you wonder why Black folks are angry?)

4) Okay people, quick question: You need surgery to save your life.  Who do you want holding the scalpel: the smart young doctor who graduated at the top of his class from the best schools, or the old coot who graduated at the bottom of his class a million years ago and has a rich wife? And before you tell me he has more experience, let me remind you: his hands shake.  Saving America will require major surgery people.  Go ahead–elect another Republican administration. We’ll flatline on the table. I’ll be here to say “I told you so.”

5) I really am sorry McCain was a POW, but if you know anyone who was sent to Vietnam (and if you’re old enough, you do), you know it was a bad scene all the way around.  But let’s consider:  McCain was a pilot.  In a plane.  That flew high above the combat area.  Pilots are trained in evasive maneuvers so they won’t be shot down in combat.  You get shot down if you stop paying attention to your surroundings. I’m not blaming the victim, but, by the same token, it’s not like he flew in there like Iron Man to save the day.

6) In sum, please get over it–and I mean both of you. White America–I think most of you would have no problems electing Colin Powell, and he’s got the same complexion as Obama.  And while Powell says he has not given his support to either candidate, if he supported McCain, he would be up there as VP, not Palin.  And this whole plea would be moot.

7) And you–yes, Black America, I’m talking with you.  You need to get over it, too.  Find a group of people who has not been victimized at some point in history, and well–you can’t.  Good luck with that reparations thing.  (The Germans were able to be sued for reparations because they stole from their victims and kept records–not even our census records are that complete.) Black America, you know damned well that “40 acres and a mule” thing died with the enactment of Jim Crow.   And if you can find 40 acres on the East Coast  without a strip mall, good luck.

On the other hand, there’s a lot of open space in Alaska, you know.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS